Surprise…surprise

Adam’s school has not announced the date for parents to collect the report card from the teacher. We have been ‘patiently’ waiting for the day to come but last week I couldn’t wait any longer as hubby and I ‘eagerly’ wanted to know how is Adam performance in the school (one of the ‘kiasu’ parents’ symptoms). Thus, I have called one of his school teachers to find out the date of the ‘parent-teacher’ meeting day as well as Adam’s performance.

In fact most of the schools in Klang valley have arranged parents to meet up with the class teachers and collect the report card on this coming Saturday since this Saturday is the replacement school day. They take the opportunity to distribute the report cards as well as meet up the parents. By doing this on Saturday, they make it so convenience for those working parents as we don’t have to take leave or time off. However, Adam’s school seems to be the only weird one that I know which arrange it during one of the school days.

According to the teacher that I have called, the school has arranged the ‘teacher & parents’ meet up day on next Tuesday (30 Jun 09). I don’t understand how the school management work, don’t they see that doing it during one the school days will distract the school activities and students learning. I guess most parents will be wondering as well why they can’t do it during the replacement class which is on this coming Saturday and yet do it during the normal school day.

Anyway the following good news made me happy (‘kiasu’ parent’s reaction). According to the teacher that I talk to, even Adam’s exam result has shown slight declination in total average mark as compare to his 1st term exam result, his position in the class has moved up to 2nd and for the whole P2 in the school position, Adam is number 3.

Well, this news really made us so happy and proud of him. We really hope that he could maintain this good result throughout the years of his studies and do not take the advantage on the freedom that we have given to him.

In fact since last year, I have stopped checking his school bag and homework. I let him ‘stand on it own’, let him decide whatever things related to his studies (but I still will check his all his books when I need to prepare him for the exam or when I sense something wrong). The only thing I always said it to him was ‘you are the one that going to school and face the teachers, not mommy and daddy, so you decide what you want to do’. This seems to be very effective on him, even on the abacus class that he dislike so much because of the works assign to him on every week. I guess my son is also a ‘kiasu’ kid.

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Power of Non-Violence

Ghandhism - A must read for parents.

Dr. Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mahatma Gandhi and founder of the M.K.Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence, in his June 9 lecture at the University of Puerto Rico, shared the following story:

I was 16 years old and living with my parents at the institute my grandfather had founded 18 miles outside of Durban, South Africa, in the middle of the sugarplantations. We were deep in the country and had no neighbors, so my two sisters and I would always look forward to going to town to visit friends or go to the movies.

One day, my father asked me to drive him to town for an all-day conference, and I jumped at the chance. Since I was going to town, my mother gave me a list of groceries she needed and, since I had all day in town, my father asked me to take care of several pending chores, such as getting the car serviced. When I dropped my father off that morning, he said, "I will meet you here at 5:00 p.m., and we will go home together."

After hurriedly completing my chores, I went straight to the nearest movie theatre. I got so engrossed in a John Wayne double-feature that I forgot the time. It was 5:30 before I remembered. By the time I ran to the garage and got the car and hurried to where my father was waiting for me, it was almost 6:00. He anxiously asked me, "Why were you late?"
I was so ashamed of telling him I was watching a John Wayne western movie that I said, "The car wasn't ready, so I had to wait," not realizing that he had already called the garage.

When he caught me in the lie, he said: "There's something wrong in the way I brought you up that didn't give you the confidence to tell me the truth. In order to figure out where I went wrong with you, I'm going to walk home 18miles and think about it." So, dressed in his suit and dress shoes, he began to walk home in the dark on mostly unpaved, unlit roads.

I couldn't leave him, so for five-and-a-half hours I drove behind him, watching my father go through this agony for a stupid lie that I uttered. I decided then and there that I was never going to lie again.

I often think about that episode and wonder, if he had punished me the way we punish our children, whether I would have learned a lesson at all. I don't think so. I would have suffered the punishment and gone on doing the same thing. But this single non-violent action was so powerful that it is still as if it happened yesterday.

That is the power of non-violence!

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Western vs. Chinese Medication

I read this piece of news this morning. It made wondering how effective of the Chinese medication versus the Western. I always not in favor of Chinese medications as I couldn’t accept the taste of the medicines and also it commonly known as ‘slow’ in treatment, it takes time for you to recover unlike the western medication where you will see the ‘improvement’ or so call immediate effect.

If you are follower of my blog, you will know that my daughter has this cough with stubborn phlegm and whizzing that come and go very often. It just likes a never ending story and it keeps appearing every now and then. This happened since last year October 2008. Each episode will take her at least 10 days for her to recover and when she is under the medication, she will vomit each time she take her milk. She has been given all sort medication such as Seretide Evohaler, Ventolin inhaler, Mucosolvan, Salbutsmol to clear her phlegm and cough. However, these medications seem to work for short term. Once she off from the medication for about a week, she will be having the cough and running nose again which later develop into whizzing and phlegm.

My mom and the nanny have been asking me to bring her to a Chinese Sensei. They said since the Western medication does not help in stopping the phlegm and whizzing problem, I should try the Chinese medication. Well, in view of my daughter’s situation and also I don’t want my mom to nag on me. Thus, hubby brought us to see his friend who is a Chinese Sensei.

The first medication that given by the Chinese Sensei was in powder form and my daughter have not problem of taking it. However, after 2 feedings, she has fever and starting to have diarrhea symptom. We were very worry on her reaction towards the Chinese medicine but according to the Chinese Sensei, this is the ‘normal’ reaction and asked us not to worry. Thus we proceed with the medication for 2 days and I decided to stop since she still has the fever and diarrhea which worried me. I brought her to see a normal GP, I want to get the medication to stop her fever and diarrhea immediately (this is one thing good about Western medication-fast reaction). It is dangerous for kids at this age having fever and continuous of diarrhea. The western medication did improve her condition, no more fever but still have mild diarrhea. My mom insisted we brought her back to the Chinese Sensei. This round the Chinese Sensei gave a new medicine which is a bottle of ‘black syrup’ (similar to the cough mixture that we can buy off the shelf from clinics). It smells terrible and my daughter was having difficulty to take. Each feeding, she tends to spill out and we have a hard time when come to feed her the medication. After 3 days of feedings, I decided to stop. Her cough and phlegm reduced but still having diarrhea.

During the Chinese medication treatment, I also gave her the Singulair which in powder form and mixed in her last feed of milk at night. I figured out this could be the culprit (well, I’m trying to be my own doctor). Hence, I stop mixing the Singulair with the milk and I noticed her cough with phlegm improved tremendously (nearly stop). But not her diarrhea and I was thinking what could be the possible reason. Finally after few days of observation, I finally found the culprit for her diarrhea, it is the milk that she takes…Enfakid A+!

I have changed her milk to Enfakid before the Chinese medication. She used to take the Enfagrow A+ milk. Since she going to be 4 years old by end of this November and I thought it would be alright for me to change her milk to Enfakid A+ which is for 4 years old and above (trying to be my own doctor again, thinking that the Enfagrow A+ milk contributed to her cough and phlegm). Once I switch her back to Enfagrow A+ milk, her diarrhea stop totally. She is now on Singulair medication which I was advised by the doctor to let her take for 3 months. I hope with this Western medication, it will put a stop to her stubborn cough, phlegm and whizzing.

So what do you think, Western versus Chinese Medication? Which is more effective?

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Mum reverses car into toddler

Received these photo via email sometimes ago and I would like to share this in my blog. For those who has young children, please take note.

Jalan 25/70A,Sri Hartamas, Kuala Lumpur28 Mei, 2009 2.00pm

A three-year-old girl was killed when her mother, who was driving her car out of a car park in Desa Sri Hartamas, knocked into the child who was outside the vehicle.

Isabel Cheong died on the spot after suffering head injuries when her 29-year-old mother reversed the car. She did not notice that her child was behind the car yesterday at Jalan 25/70A, acting city traffic police chief Deputy Supt Ng Fook Long said. “The mother only realised she had run over her child after hearing her cries. She immediately got down to check what had happened.

“Passers-by tried to help pull the child out, but by the time she was dislodged from under the car, she had died,” he said. The body was sent to Kuala Lumpur Hospital for a post-mortem.

Another incident a day after this : http://www.guangming.com.my/node/48871?tid=3
Also this : http://www.guangming.com.my/node/48648?tid=3

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嚴格，也是一種慈悲！

Received via email. I like the story.

嚴格，也是一種慈悲！家有小孩，身為人父母的； 或身為人師的一定要看！

嚴格，也是一種慈悲！愛，要有方法、有智慧!

在教學中，有時會教到一些長得很俊帥、很可愛、或很漂亮的小朋友，而我也會有些偏心地喜歡他們。李凱，就是這樣的小孩，他很帥，大大的眼睛、雙眼皮，天 真 又可愛；可是他卻也很頑皮，喜歡「騎快車」──上學時，故意快騎腳踏車，並從後面抓班上同學玉梅的頭髮！

每次玉梅被李凱欺負時，總是氣得跺腳，並大罵「幹?娘」的髒話。玉梅，很髒，常不洗臉、不洗頭，也長頭蝨，脖子上的污垢像是「一條黑蛇」，每次經過她身旁，都會聞到「很難聞的異味」；而她的功課經常沒寫完，臉上也從不帶笑容。一般來說，很少有小女生會罵「粗魯低俗的髒話」，偏偏玉梅一被李凱譏笑、欺負，就會尖叫、大罵髒話，所以我也不知道該如何對她好，甚至常在同學面前指責她。相反的，每當李凱「騎快車」或「欺負玉梅」時，我只是輕聲細語、笑笑地對他說：「李凱，你騎車要慢慢騎，不要欺負女生哦！」 真 的，我總是不忍心大聲地斥責可愛、俊美的李凱，也常對他網開一面。

一天，同學們都在操場上體育課，我懷孕、大著肚子，坐在教室裡批改作業；玉梅則因身體不舒服，也坐在教室裡。當我不經意抬頭時，與玉梅四目相接? A她突然說：「老師，等妳生了小寶寶，我媽說她要幫妳帶小孩！」「你媽媽在做什麼？」我問。「我媽媽在幫很多人家裡打掃房間，也在大樓洗樓梯，她說她可以幫妳帶小孩！」一臉髒兮兮、頭髮油膩膩的玉梅回答我。「那妳爸爸呢？」「我爸爸整天都在喝酒，因為我媽生了六個小孩都是女生，我爸爸每天都罵我媽『只會生些賠錢貨』！所以他每天都喝酒、罵人，也打我媽、打我們小孩子！」玉梅又說，她是老大，一回到家、放下書包，就必須幫忙照顧妹妹們，也要洗米、煮飯、處理家事；她，總是忙得很累，也沒時間洗臉、洗頭、寫功課……我一聽，一陣難過湧上心頭，也突然覺得──「每個老師眼中的『壞孩子』，他們背後，可能都有別人不知道的苦楚與心酸！」

後來，我放下批改作業的筆，帶著玉梅到洗手台，幫她洗頭、洗臉，也教她刷牙！不久，她的牙齒變白了，臉變乾淨了，用吹風機吹乾頭髮後，頭髮也不再油膩惡臭了。梳完頭髮，我又拿了鏡子給她看，她突然──笑了！ 真 的，在我印象中，這是她第一次笑！以前我只記得玉梅常「板著臉、罵髒話」，可是，現在她笑了，而且笑得是那麼燦爛、漂亮，尤其是她那「深深的酒渦」 ? A笑起來 真 的很美！從那天開始，玉梅開始「喜歡自己」，每天也都洗完臉才來上學。

兩三星期後，課外活動，我叫小朋友練習跳繩，玉梅興高采烈、自告奮勇地說：「我會、我會、我會！」於是她當著同學的面、拿起跳繩，大方地表演！天哪，她居然「前跳、後跳、交叉跳、花式跳……」都跳得那麼棒！一跳完，全班小朋友也都不吝嗇地給她如雷的掌聲！我想，那是玉梅小學生涯中，第一次接受「如此豐盛的喝采」，因她的學業成績始終都是「最後一名」；然而，當她跳完繩，抬起頭，甩了一下頭髮，她的眼睛竟變得好亮、好美，好有自信！就這樣，我發現了玉梅在體育方面的長處，也鼓勵她加入了「田徑校隊」。而在升學國中時，更是大爆冷門，全班只有玉梅一人進入「資優班」── 考上高雄一國中的「體育資優班」。

十多年後，我與孩子們有機會於同學會中，再次相遇。那天，我搭車到高雄，亭亭玉立的玉梅到火車站來接我。一見面，玉梅就說：「 倪 老師，今天同學會，來了十多位同學，大家都在高醫的加護病房！」「為什麼？」我大吃了一驚。「因為李凱出了車禍，他去跟人家飆車，撞成重傷，現在正躺在醫院裡，不醒，我們大家都到醫院去看他。」玉梅心情沉重地告訴我。

到了高雄醫學院的加護病房，我穿上「消毒衣」進入，看到同學們都已經站在裡面。而李凱，他躺在病床上，戴著氧氣罩，頭與臉部已經嚴重扭 曲 、變形、浮腫……全身也佈滿插管；一旁的心電圖則顯示，他的生命跡象十分微弱。醫生說，李凱已經快不行了！他被撞後到現在，都沒有醒來過；不過，我們可以多跟他講講話。這時，我摸摸李凱的腳，也摸摸他的手……他，竟是那麼冰冷！我和同學們不斷地叫他：「李凱、李凱、李凱……」可是，他始終動也不動地躺著。我的眼淚不聽話地流了下來！李凱、李凱……小時候，我那最可愛、最漂亮的李凱到哪裡去了？……你知道嗎，老師一直記得你小時候俊帥的臉龐呀！可是，你現在……怎麼動都不動，不看老師一眼，也不回答老師一句話呀！此時，玉梅站在我身旁，拉拉我的手，對我說：「老師，妳跟他說嘛，妳跟他說『妳以前常對他說的那句話嘛』！」

我怔了幾秒，知道了。我握住李 凱的手，彎著身，靠近他的耳朵，清晰地對他說：「李凱──你騎車──要慢慢騎──要慢慢騎哦！」話一講完，李凱的眼眶頓時溼紅了起來，心電圖的 曲 ? u也起了變化。雖然，他仍舊戴著氧氣罩，一動也不動，但是，他的眼淚，竟從眼角流了下來……那天夜裡，李凱走了，動也不動地走了。而他俊帥的臉龐、頑皮地騎著快車、以及扭 曲 浮腫的眼角滴下淚水的情景……卻是我心中「永遠的悲痛與回憶」！

【 戴 老師小講台】法國文學家盧梭曾說：「你知道用什麼方法可以使你的孩子成為『不幸的人』嗎？就是──對他『百依百順』！」真 的，如果老師或父母，對孩子「太縱容、太放任、太溺愛」，就可能會害了孩子，甚至使他成為「不幸的人」。

所以，「嚴格，也是一種慈悲。」事實上，人都有情感式的「月暈作用」，也常會「以貌取人」，見到可愛、漂亮、聰明、能言善道的孩子，就特別喜歡他；就像本文中的 倪 老師，因太過於偏愛李凱，在他騎快車時，未曾嚴厲地管教他、約束他，以致最後李凱因飆車而喪失生命！因此，「愛孩子」是對的，但是必須是「有智慧的愛」，不能是「縱容的愛」；若太過溺愛孩子，就如同在孩子的成長性格上「下了毒藥」，將會使孩子嚐到苦果！

所以，古人說：「愛是好的，姑息卻是絕對的惡！」不過，在文中另一主角玉梅，卻是個令人欽佩的女孩 ? F她在一直「被欺負、被瞧不起、始終是最後一名」的低潮中，因著老師「不嫌棄的愛」，找到自己「生命的亮點」，因而考進了體育資優班，也為自己的生命找到「光明的出路」！曾聽過一句話：「世界上最柔軟的是風，最暴烈的也是風；世界上最柔和的是水，最蠻橫的也是水！」

的確，老師是風，也是水，他可以讓孩子「如沐春風」，一輩子感受其愛和恩澤；然而，若稍有不慎，過度放任與溺愛，亦可能使孩子誤入歧途、遺憾終身啊！

【啟示】◎捨不得管教孩子、捨不得讓孩子挨罵吃苦，則他將來會更苦 ！◎愛，要「有方法、有智慧」，要讓孩子「吃必要的苦，耐必 要的勞」，也捨得讓他跌倒，則他才會勇敢爬起來，而且走 得更英挺、更有自信！

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2nd Term Exam Result

Adam’s 2nd school term result shows slight declination as compare to his 1st term exam result. I have high expectation on Adam as I know his capability and able to achieve what I have expected as long as he is careful. However, there are certain papers I can’t have high expectation especially those languages papers, i.e. Bahasa Malaysia, English and Chinese or those that need lots of Chinese language understanding.

These are the papers that we can’t predict exactly what will be the questions. It is very much depends on the child understanding on that particular language. For example one of his Chinese Science paper question asking whether this is a right or wrong statement: 生物可以繁殖下一代 (Living things can produce younger generation). Adam has marked it as ‘wrong’. He told me, he knows living things can produce (生物可以繁殖) younger generation but he don’t know the ‘下一代’ actual meaning is younger generation. I can’t blame him for making the mistake since he really doesn’t know.

However, I will be very angry and disappointed with him if the mistakes that he made were due to his carelessness. Just like his Chinese Mathematics paper. That evening when he shown me the paper. I jumped immediately and started nagging on him. Those mistakes he made really unaccepted to me. It is the simple plus and minus mathematics questions. He is trying to follow the teacher way of calculation and not using the metal arithmetic way that he has leant. I told him that the teacher won’t care how you calculate as long as you know how to present it and get the correct answer.

Later, I regretted my reaction for ‘nagging’ on him. Thus, before bedtime I gave him a hug and told him that, in fact he has done well in his exam. On Monday (25 May) night itself I couldn’t sleep. I stay up until 2.00am. There are so many things in my mind, I’m worrying about my daughter’s prolong cough, phlegm and whizzing. I also felt so sad and sorry about my reaction towards Adam without considering his feeling.

So, here are his 2nd term exam results:

• Bahasa Malaysia Pemahaman (Malay Comprehension) – 94%
• Bahasa Malaysia Penulisan (Malay Writing) – 100%
• English – 98%
• Science in Chinese – 97%
• Science in English – 100%
• Chinese Writing – 93%
• Chinese Comprehension – 99%
• Mathematics in Chinese – 95%
• Mathematics in English – 100%
• Moral – 98%

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Prior to the 2nd week exam

It has been tiring and stressful for me for the past 2 weeks. The moment Adam’s school 2nd term exam started, I feel the pressure as if I’m the one is going to sit for the exam. I wanted to take it easy but somehow my feeling acted otherwise.

I don’t feel so much of pressure when come to the 1st week exam as there were only 2 papers to sit. However, when come to the 2nd week exam, I started to worry as Adam was reluctant to do the revision during the weekend. Most of the revision that I have prepared, he take his own sweet time to do and the worst part was he did not complete most of it. When I was worrying for Adam exam, my daughter has another episode of coughing, having phlegm and wheezing. On Monday (18 May) evening, her eyes were having yellowish discharge and I knew this is some sort of infection that needs to be treated immediately. Thus brought her to see a normal GP and after examination, the GP told us that we need to send her for admission. According to the GP her lung is full with phlegm and her breath is heavy. It could be lung infection that needs to be treated immediately.

After hearing this, I started to panic. I was worried what is going to happen to Adam’s exam if my daughter needs to be hospitalized for few days. Who is going to guide him? There are so many more revisions to go through with him before he sits for the exam. That moment I regretted that I did not ‘push’ him to do the revisions during the weekend.

Nothing much I can do that night. Thus, we pack all the necessity and get Adam to come along to the hospital. I was thinking to guide him at the hospital while waiting for the doctor and the admission process. However, when the doctor has examined my daughter, he told us that nothing to be alarm. She confirmed to having eyes infection and the cough with phlegm, whizzing needs a long term treatment. No admission needed. After hearing, I feel so relief but hubby was worried, thinking whether this doctor has made a right decision. He questioned the doctor until the doctor also ‘beh tahan’ (couldn’t stand) and give him this ‘you are the doctor or I’m the doctor?’

By the time when we finished everything and reached home at 10.00pm, all of us were so tired. Thus, after wash up, we all went to bed. Adam didn’t managed to do any revisions for the papers that he is going sit for the next day, i.e. Tuesday ( Bahasa Malaysia Comprehension and Chinese Mathematic). These 2 papers, he has made the most careless mistakes which made me angry and disappointed. But later, I regretted having these ‘feeling’.

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Anxious

Today is the first day of Adam’s 2nd term school exam and I feel so anxious about it. Whereas Adam still takes it so easy and he keeps delaying doing the revision. Looking at his ‘attitude’, I feel even more worry for him. But nothing much I can do except keeps reminding him to read his books and do the exercises that I given him as revision.

Hubby and I have come to agreement that we do not ‘push’ him too much on his studies. In fact, after the incident of ‘crying’ and ‘avoiding’ school, we have decided to limit his enrichment class to only one on Saturday and let him have more time to play. Thus, he has been enjoying the kind of ‘relaxing’ time without me asking him to do this and that. As compare to the previous exam where 2 weeks before the exam, I will get him to do the revision. But now, I leave it to him to decide the time for the revision. I just passed him all the revision papers and let him do it on his own phase. I will only go through with him for the revision one day prior to the exam to ensure his understand what he has read and written.

Even though I let him has the freedom of doing the exam revision and all his school works, I’m still a kiasu parent. I still watch over him closely when come to the exam time.

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M-O-T-H-E-R

M-O-T-H-E-R

"M" is for the million things she gave me,
"O" means only that she's growing old,
"T" is for the tears she shed to save me,
"H" is for her heart of purest gold;
"E" is for her eyes, with love-light shining,
"R" means right, right she'll always be,
Put them all together, they spell "MOTHER,"
A word that means the world to me.

-Howard Johnson.

To all those who have mothers, HONOUR YOUR MOTHER, today and every day!
To all those who are mothers, "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!"

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Last Week

May 09, will be a busy month for me. I will be busy preparing for Adam’s school 2nd term school exam and preparing the new house for us to move in.

Adam’s school 2nd term exam just around the corner and yet I have not prepare any revision papers. The exam scope paper was given out last Thursday but I was too lazy to go through it last weekend. Holiday mood!

In fact last week was more of settling down of Adam’s feeling with the new ‘post’ in his class. There is not much of homework as most of the works he has completed in the school except for the Bahasa Malaysia. I feel that the teacher is kind of ‘rushing’ in her teaching. I’m not sure whether she has explained clearly the subject before asking them to do the exercise in the activity book as Adam seems to be ‘lost’ in doing it as homework. I need to sit down with him, get him to read the text book and explain to him in details before doing the homework. There are lots of explanations that I have to do in order for him to understand it and do the Bahasa Malaysia homework. The worst part was before I could explain to Adam, I need to read through it word by word and understand it. It just like I’m in Primary 2 now and trying to figure out the subject.

Well, being a student nowadays is not easy. The subjects that they learn now (at this age) are so much different from our time. I have tried to refresh my memory for those that I have learned during my young days but somehow I lost most of my ‘memories’. Thus, I’m leaning from the beginning, from my son books. I’m now officially ‘a student’ and ‘a teacher’. One of these days if my jobless, I have an option to apply as a ‘temporary teacher’.

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